9 UGLY TRUTHS ABOUT MEN
by Laura Kwamboka
I can’t remember the last time I went controversial. Well, men may indeed be dogs but we love them anyway. Want reasons and details? Here’s a sneak peek into the untamed, private minds of a male human being. Some of the truths here are really nasty and hilarious but will bring a clearer picture of the man in your life and hopefully, help you understand him.
GUYS BARELY RESIST THE URGE
There is no sexier thing or surprise for a man than when you dance and wriggle seductively, gently and slowly wear lacy underwear or undress—just about anything that stimulates him visually. This is a sexual tension that sends him wild and his mind starts to race imagining what would befall him. Feel shy dancing around him in your bra? What ladies have never known is that men do not even notice the so-called flaws at that point in time. The next time you undress before him, go slow at it, tossing your clothes at him as you go. That’s all it takes to drive a guy nuts—in a good way.
MEN LIKE STARING AT OTHER WOMEN
This is a fact. Men just have no complete control of their feelings. We take after this behavior when we walk by windows filled with gorgeous shoes—we just have to look. This is anthropological in that if you look at mating habits of animals like gorillas, even if they are pair-bonded (don’t worry about this—it’s anthropology speak for gorilla marriage), most male gorillas cruise after the females and stop to stare when a cute gorilla girl walks her butt by. Your man is not insensitive, no. He is just being momentarily possessed by his inner ape.
MEN ARE PROUDLY THE BIG KIDS
Deep under, all guys are big ‘ol boys. You get? This is why most grown men like wearing baseball caps. Their interests are purely boy-like too. Nothing has changed. Take their passion with sports. Most guys love just about anything that involves kicking something, throwing stuff and punching other guys. Why is it like that? Did that sound like 8 year olds on the playgrounds to you? It just did to me. Put two or three guys together, they bond by yelling at the Tele, like dogs and like to be idiots to each other. Regressing back into childhood is not just a means guys amuse themselves—it’s a trick they use to escape real-life pressures and feeling accepted the way they are. There is just no point of denying your guy time to release his juvenile side. You just need to be glad he’s doing it during boys’ night out and not in front of your family or girlfriends!
MEN ARE PERVERTS
There’s no debate here. Men are total perverts and think of sex 24/7. Sometimes, they look at pictures of weird moves and gross stuff they’d never try in a thousand years. The truth is men tend to have a higher tolerance for outrageous sex acts and body fluids than we do. Sometimes it’s all to do with the 10 year old boy inside each and every guy. It’s also a fact that guys’ sexual fantasies have so much to do with people than ours do. Nothing is less sexy to a guy than a lady who’s uncomfortable. Men may be turned on by simple visuals of porn, but you can trust me on this—they’d rather have the other real, in flesh deal anytime.
This does not mean they will, though. However, they are too shy, too guilty or too scared. This is biology! They see, want and adapt feet and claws to catch the prey. By nature, it will be wrong to say men are monogamous creatures. They often have problems fighting their sexual urges and pleasures, which many do successfully. If men were left to choose a perfect life, they would go for a wife and then a fling whenever they choose to. Women on the other hand tend to go for that one special guy while guys look for those 5 or so special girls. Close to 50 percent of men say if there were beyond zero chances you’d find out, they’d cheat. This however means there is the other half that wouldn’t—even if the same conditions were subjected. Most guys say that they’ve had to struggle with the idea and nix because they would not want to mess up all the great things they’ve got back at home—a good wife and kids.
MEN WANT US TO WORSHIP THEM
Just about every guy has a bit of Donald Trump in him. They want women to think they are strong, sexy and successful. Most guys wouldn’t actually admit this but at the very least, they would like to think they’re smarter than the woman they are with. Its natural so don’t deny it. Yet, guys don’t have a problem with the lady being 10X better looking than they are—it only strikes his ego even more. At the end of the day, most guys would settle for just being able to do one thing better than women. This is probably because they know we’re the superior sex.
MEN LOOVE ORAL SEX
Ever stopped to wonder what it is that men really crave for in bed? I conducted a survey asking 100 men that similar question and surprisingly, 80% of them said, “more oral sex.” This brings out one thing clearly—men love themselves and always want to be on the receiving end. They just don’t care about the means or worry about the technique, and we do all the work (they are kinda lazy, don’t you agree?) Mine say the best treat you can give them is oral sex in the morning. Forget scones and the sort—this is his idea of a fabulous breakfast in bed.
MEN DON’T TAKE HINTS
When guys are together, they do not tiptoe around each other and drop subtle suggestions like their female counterparts. Hints just don’t register well with guys. Women on the other hand pride themselves in being able to know intuitively what our husbands, kids and friends are thinking. Men aren’t interested in reading minds. Don’t learn this the hard way from men—if you don’t ask, you don’t get. In a relationship, I do not expect my guy to know exactly want I want—and whenever I do, I feel disappointed. For instance, if I want him to take me out on my birthday, I’ll be wasting time dropping hints like, “OMG, guess what day Saturday is? That’s someone’s birthday and you better be careful. If you do that, there are chances of hitting 80 before he takes you out. Nasty! And while the bitch is at it, don’t dare hint about the gift you would like on that day—something classy, shiny and that lasts forever. To your guy, you just described a set of Emeril pans and pots.
MEN DON’T GET VALENTINE’S DAY
To most guys, Feb 14 is a chick holiday. This really stresses them out. They don’t understand what’s expected of them let alone what to buy and what not, how little or how much they should express their feelings on that day and what have you. They are not incapable of romance, no. They just dislike being romantic on cue. Just say this to your guy, “Friday is V-Day. We’ll be out for dinner.” Keep reminding him and lovingly let him off the hook of the otherwise standard requirements. With these, you can rest assured your day will be superb and he’ll be more likely to deliver some romance of his own—the one you didn’t see coming!
Agree or Disagree??